Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
pop tarts are not kleenex
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
