i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
