I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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