She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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