I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
