so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
