never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
