we have pet lesbian snakes
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
