the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Randomize
