the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
handjob tips. give me some.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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