I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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