Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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