Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
