It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This house was built for laser tag.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
