your thong is hanging out like whoa
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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