Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
