so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
