So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
