I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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