have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
