Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
