Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Be still, my beating vagina.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
