North Korea, Best Korea!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
