Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
