Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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