Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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