I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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