Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
