I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
