The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
