Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
