I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Randomize
