you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
