I'm drive I can fine osifer
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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