help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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