My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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