I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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