Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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