The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
