Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
