3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
