My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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