Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
