you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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