You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
