I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
