Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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