I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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