I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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