I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
