I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
