You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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