lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
