DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
