too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
