Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
