we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
