I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
