walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
