wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
