If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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