You smell like stripper and shame
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
