is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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