I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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