If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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