Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
