I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
