My underwear smells like fireworks.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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