The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
