i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
