I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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