she looked like the bat from fern gully.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
