It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
