too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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