Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
