I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
